Over the weekend, Kate and I were playing in her room, and she was paying particular attention to one of her teddy bears. Then she brought the bear up to me and our conversation went as follows:
Kate: "My bear is sad."
Me: "Oh no! Why?"
Kate: "He wants his mommy."
Me: "Where is his mommy?"
Kate: "His mommy has to work."
Me: (Tears springing immediately to my eyes) "Oh I'm sorry! You understand that sometimes mommies have to work, right?"
Kate: "Yeah."
Me: (Crying pretty hard now) "And you know that mommies ALWAYS come back, right?"
Kate: "Yeah."
Me: "And you know mommies love their babies and their bears, right?"
Kate: "Yeah. Why are you sad?"
Oh, my mommy guilt has been on high charge since then! I know that she is in a great preschool and that she's learning so much and that she's really fine most of the time and she does love it there, but my gosh! Hearing that out of my baby's mouth was possibly the most heart-wrenching thing she's ever said! Will she be scarred for life? Will she suffer from abandonment issues and end up on some sleazy talk show 20 years from now, blaming her horrible childhood for all her problems? Mike and I do feel like we're doing the right thing for our school situation right now and honestly, she is progressing so well and loves her teachers and friends at school. But man! Sometimes children's "brutal honesty" can hit where it hurts. Yay for being a working parent! :)
11 comments:
KAREN!!! Oh my gosh - you are a WONDERFUL mother and are doing what is right for your little family right now. I know you feel guilty, but Kate knows that you love her and you do always come home. I love you too and I am proud of you for all that you do :)
Take care, my dear, and just know that you are a fabulous mom!
You are such an awesome mom, and Kate knows how much she's loved. Hang in there and things will fall into place for you guys. Until then, I think you are doing an amazing job with all you MANY responsibilities!!
Karen, Let me tell you being a stay at home mom you still have Mommy guilt. When you can't fit times in for playdates and feel like your kids are going to anti social, when you want to take just 10 mins to have a shower and your child is screaming the whole time at the door because he needs something desperatly at that moment. When you have more then one child and you have to divide up your time and feel like your not giving quality time to each child ect. Your children will be happiest when their parents are happy. And being able to provide for them is also so important. I know you make the time you have with Kate the most meaningful time for her. It's hard no matter what you do. And no matter how hard you try to be the best parent you'll always make mistakes to when your kids grow up they will have something to tell the therpist about. But you are doing your best and Kate is a doll. I know she knows you love her and she will be just fine when she grows up. Hang in there. Your a GREAT MOM!!!
I agree with all of the above comments, and Suzette (who I don't know) said it so well. It is a constant balance no matter what kind of mom you are (stay at home or not) - am I doing what is best for my child? will this effect their life in the years to come? Make sure you are happy and it will rub off on the rest of your family. My parents tell me that I went to preschool, but I nearly have no recollection of it. I guess they even put me on a school bus everyday (I was probably 3 at the time) and I would fall asleep on the bus ride home often times. One thing that might be interesting to think too is that maybe Kate goes happily to preschool everyday, but she sees other little children (like her bear) struggle to leave their mommies or daddies when they come to school. I love to hear Kate's great language skills, understanding of feelings, and role-playing ability. She is two weeks older than Abram and I am so impressed by her skills taught by you and Mike at home as well as by her preschool.
Thanks for the words of encouragement! As usual, my friends and family know exactly what I need to hear! :)
Honey, I will probably be there with you. Don't worry. It's quality over quantity time.
She is going to grow up to be an independent, confident girl. No worries.
You rock.
Ah, the mommy guilt. Isn't it just never-ending! I'm a working mom too and feel it alot. But you know what, our kids (yours and mine!) know that we love them and that we're not working to buy sports cars and fur coats. And yeah, some days are harder than others, but we do the best we can to make sure they're taken care of and I think they'll turn out o.k.
Karen, if this is really what you feel is right, then I'm sure you got that answer from "somewhere"! When you're having quilt, you need to remind yourself that all moms (stay at home or not) have something they struggle with. The fact that you're away from Kate each day makes your heart for her grow fonder. I guarantee she can feel and see the complete JOY you feel EVERY SINGLE DAY when you see her for the first time after being away. That has to count for a lot of somethings :) You're awesome and you have a great girl, and that's what matters! Love you girl!
I'm glad so many people commented. You've got to not be so hard on yourself. You guys are doing great!
Ah, Karen. My heart goes out to you. And all those Mommies who have to work. I am sure you give Kate so much love and attention, I am sure you are doing what is best for your little family. She will be alright. She knows you love her. Have faith. All will be well. :)
I know exactly how that feels. It sucks, but what do you do, right?
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